


But I’m Weak

by RadamaZard



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Some Swearing, Song Inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:38:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadamaZard/pseuds/RadamaZard
Summary: What was so wrong with being weak? Not everyone could be ridiculously strong after all.Nino had always struggled with the extremes of being okay with who he was and what he felt the world wanted him to be. But he never thought that he’d have to feel that way with Alya...





	But I’m Weak

Nino bit back a sigh, arms crossed over his chest as he listened to Alya drone on and on like a CD that had gotten scratched and played a single sound on repeat for eternity. It wasn’t that he particularly hated listening to her rant. Heck, it was normally pretty inspiring. His girlfriend had passions that burned brighter than Paris itself and he greatly admired that.

But he wasn’t exactly a fan of some of her opinions when it came to… certain topics.

“It’s just- he’s so WEAK, Nino! Like, you’re facing LITERAL Satan here. I don’t think a friendship speech is gonna bring this bitch down. Sometimes you just have to let your fists do the talking, you can’t just…”

Weak. There was such a negative view on that word. To be weak was somehow seen as lesser, as though being unable to fight back was a particularly bad thing. Strength was so ridiculously glorified that it was honestly exhausting to constantly hear about it. 

Sure, it was good to be able to defend yourself and fight back if shit went south, there was no arguing that. But what was wrong with wanting to be peaceful? With not wanting to be the one to deliver that first blow?

Nino himself had never been much of a fighter, and he knew he probably never would be. Outside of defending those he loved and cared about, being skilled at knocking someone’s block off just wasn’t his thing. Nor did he really want it to be. That’s what they had the rest of the heroes for, right? 

Though he had decked Hawkmoth with his shield that one time….  
To be fair, the man had DEFINITELY deserved it.

“- don’t even get me started on his moral fibre. This bitch has the backbone of a liquified jellyfish. ‘Oh, you’re sad about your mean step dad? Sure, we’ll go take him out for ya, it’s not like you spent THREE seasons trying to murder our asses and slaughtering LITERAL CHILDREN. We totally forgive you!’ Like, miss me with that garbage, you just have a weak ass moral code!”

Maybe Alya’s example there wasn’t all that great. But what was wrong with offering people second chances? Not everyone managed to start off as a good person. Not everyone could say their past was clean and that they’d always done their best to be the kindest or best versions of themselves.

Perhaps that one hit hard because Nino knew he hadn’t always been the person he was now. 

Once he’d been bitter, been a quiet loner who kept to himself and didn’t bother to help those around him.   
Once he hadn’t tried to see the good in others, hadn’t been a person much worthy of friendship.   
Once he’d ignored bullies so he’d be left alone, had ignored when people were sad and had brushed off any attempts at friendship people had made.

It wasn’t easy, thinking back to the person he’d once been, who’d been so disillusioned with the world that he’d chose to use music to block it all out, to block everyone out. Of course that had changed when he had met Adrien. The guy was loyal and kind and had clearly been rather lonely, stuck with only Chloé as a friend and alienated by the rest of the class. Perhaps Nino had seen a little of himself in him? Being alone and not knowing how to really make connections. So he’d made an effort, and Adrien and him had been inseparable since.

Not only that, but those that had known him before, that he’d shrugged off or coldly ignored, had welcomed him with open arms. There had been no judgements for his past self, no need to prove himself. They’d simply accepted him with kindness.

How could that kind of forgiveness and empathy be so bad? Why was a weakness in holding a grudge seen as something negative?

“... and you know what? Here’s what frustrates me the most. I know it’s stupid, okay? But just let me rant here,” Alya continued on and Nino barely held back a snort.

“I can take him being a friendship babbler who always tries to talk down the villains. It’s corny, but whatever, it’s anime. I can take him inviting the baddie into the team. It’s a popular trope, I know, and people LOVE seeing the asshole redeemed. But you know what I CAN’T take?” she asked, her lips pursed in a tight and her brows knitted tighter still that he almost feared she’d bust a vein.

“Nope. Gonna have to enlighten me here, babe.”

There was beat of silence, done obviously for dramatic effect that had Nino rolling his eyes in an annoyance that had been slowly building since the beginning of this whole rant.

“The romance. It’s HORRIBLE. There’s nothing worse in a romance story than an unlikable romance,” Alya stated. “He’s so ridiculously weak when it comes to her! It’s pathetic and really, really painful to watch. How that’s anyone’s OTP I’ll never understand. It’s not sweet. It’s not cute. It’s just… sad.”

Ah. There it was. The part he’d been waiting for and dreaded hearing the most. 

Because he could understand being frustrated with a pacifist. In a life or death situation you often had to act and act fast. Failing to do so meant the loss of life, and no one could root for that.

He could get why wanting the asshole to have a happy ending was annoying. Not everyone was redeemable and some assholes really didn’t deserve that kindness. Assholes like Hawkmoth, for instance.

But to rant with a flaring passion about how pathetic being weak when in love was? That really stung. It stung because he knew, without a doubt, that he was EXACTLY like that. Nino knew that love made him weak, in so many senses of the word. 

It made him weak in the knees everytime Alya smiled at him, like somehow he was all she needed to brighten her day.  
His breath weakened whenever she kissed him, her lips sweeter than any confection he had ever tasted.  
When those pretty pools of toupe drifted over to him, and Nino could swear in those moments that he was witnessing the sun itself rising in those eyes that hypnotised him with such ease… his heart would skip a beat so dramatically he feared it would become weakened the process.

Not to mention how completely and utterly weak he was to her in general. How Alya’s laugh had him melting, how every little ‘I love you’ had Nino drifting off to his own personal heaven. How he couldn’t hope to say no to her when she came to him with excitement glowing, shimmering from each and every pore. 

He adored her to the point of ridiculousness. To the point of weakness.  
Was that so wrong? To love someone so dearly that it made you feel weak and defenseless, yet in all the right ways? As though you could afford to be that way, to push away the fears and insecurities to love wholeheartedly.

Why was that a bad thing?

Minutes passed as he dwelt on this, and Nino didn’t even notice how deep in thought he’d been until he felt his girlfriend poking his nose.

“Earth to Nino. You alright there, babe? You’re frowning hard. I mean really hard. Harder than when we saw that sci-fi flick last week,” Alya attempted to joke, although the concern was etched clearly into her features. 

“The ending totally ruined the whole dystopian aesthetic they were goin’ for and was a lazy ass ass pull…” Nino muttered, his gaze dropping down to his lap. Yet even with his eyes off her, he could still feel her concern for him, could still feel her eyes on him, worried.

“But that’s not what’s bothering you now, right?” 

His head shook and Alya shuffled closer, laying a hand over his clenched fists. Funny, how hadn’t he noticed he was doing that until now?

“... No.”

“Do you wanna talk about it? I think I used up more than my allotted chunk of words for the week, so I’m all ears,” Alya ushered, her voice so gentle and warm that Nino almost felt guilty for his own shit storm of feelings. Here he was, making her worry over a god damned anime rant. What kind of boyfriend was he?

“It’s… It’s dumb.”

“If it’s upsetting you then it isn’t dumb. I cried over burnt fries last week, remember? And you promised that shit wasn’t dumb.”

A weak chuckle escaped Nino’s lips, despite the swirl of negativity that still twisted harshly from deep within him.

“True, but I don’t have the excuse of my body throwin’ a fit over not having kids once a month and messin’ with my emotions,” Nino retorted, to which he earned himself a soft flick to the back of his hand.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to get upset over that kind of stuff too. You wouldn’t let Adrien call his emotions dumb, would you?” A slow shake of her boyfriend’s head told her she’d won, and Alya had to really fight to keep the smug smile from her face. No, that would only make things worse right now.

“Nah. Of course I wouldn’t…” Nino muttered. “So I guess you’re gonna keep this up until I spill, huh?”

“Yep. So you better hurry up and talk, babe. Because I’ve got aaaaall day and nothing more important to do than listen to you.”

Ah, there she went, saying stuff like that so casually that it made him feel absolutely cruddy about making her worry in the first place. But Nino knew his girlfriend well, and Alya was a woman of staggering determination. If she wanted an answer, she nearly always get it.

So it was with a sigh that Nino finally gave in.

“... I’m weak, Als,” he admitted, in a voice so quiet and small that Alya had to lean in to properly hear it. “I’m not a fighter or strong. I believe in givin’ assholes second chances. Heck, I was one of them! And I…”

There was beat of silence, as Nino lifted his gaze and distressed gold fell upon Alya’s face.

“I’m weak to YOU. You make me weak each an’ every time we’re together, babe. I’m pretty much a living, breathing example of all that crap you hate. I- It makes me…” Nino trailed off, as the realisation of just why he’d been so hurt by her words dawned upon him. 

“... It makes me wonder if you hate all that in me. If you hate those parts of me. That you…” That she no longer loved him. That was what he truly feared. Because if she hated those parts that he resounded so strongly with, didn’t it also make sense that she’d fallen out of love with him?

That maybe Alya had just stayed out of pity? Or because she was too nice and didn’t want to break his heart, even if she longed for someone far better than him, someone far stronger?

“... You might not love me anymore?” Nino finished in a broken whisper.

He hadn’t even realised he was crying until he felt Alya’s hand upon his cheek, tenderly brushing his tears away with the pad of her thumb.

“Nino…” she whispered, with such a guilt ridden sadness that only made him cry more. “Is that what you really think? That I secretly hate you? You, my wonderful, gorgeous, kind, loyal, selfless, adorable, brilliant, dorkishly amazing boyfriend?”

There was no judgement in her voice, no teasing or sarcasm or snark. Only a lulling sincerity as she pulled Nino into her arms and held him tight as his silent sobs soaked her shoulder. 

“I could never hate you. I don’t need you to be some amazingly kick ass hero with muscles like Chat Noir or a killer left hook like Ladybug. You’re already amazingly brave and courageous… Not everyone needs to be a fighter and you’re the protector this city needs. That I love,” Alya said, her voice gently firm and flooded with a love so warm that it only served to make Nino cry harder.

“I never knew you back when you were an ‘asshole’. I only got to meet you when Adrien did, and the Nino I’ve always known has been the warmest person that I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet. But even if you were an asshole before, that doesn’t mean you aren’t deserving of friends. I… sorry if I gave you the impression that I thought that about everyone. You know I hold grudges and that’s a me thing I have to work on, not a you thing, okay?” She felt Nino nod weakly in her arms, and in turn Alya pressed a feather light kiss to the crown of his head.

“... And I- … I wasn’t talking about weakness like that. Nibuimaru lets Sonshōko beat the living shit out of him without a single complaint! He doesn’t even seem upset by it. It’s like for him, that’s how chicks are. And it’s played for laughs that’s it’s all cute and that kind of stupid shit, like ‘aww, look how weak she makes him!’. That’s not cute. That’s a weak ass relationship based on abuse,” Alya stated, only pausing to hold Nino just that bit tighter as she felt the shakes of his sobs rock her. It was honestly heart breaking, to know that her ridiculous rant about some shitty anime Adrien had recommended had caused him so much pain and doubt.

“I’m just as weak for you as you are for me. You know that, right? And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s real cute how smitten you are with me, and those stupidly love sick puppy looks you send my way… They make my heart flutter and my stomach does flips like Ladybug on a sugar high… I could never hate that. I could never hate you, Nino,” she whispered, and her aching heart clenched as Nino finally looked up at her, glasses smudged from all the crying, cheeks tears and eyes all red and puffy. What was worse was that desperately hopeful look in his eyes, as though he had truly feared that she no longer loved him and he was clinging to her every word.

…. For how long had these thoughts been kicking around in the back of his mind? Alya didn’t know, nor did she care. Because from this moment on she swore she’d make Nino feel every bit as loved as he had for her, as he continued to do each and every day, even when he was feeling cruddy.

Never again would he have to doubt that really loved him.

“I love you. I love you so GOD DAMNED much, okay? I’m sorry I had you doubting that…” Alya finished, and before she could even hope to verbalise her promise Nino’s lips were against hers in a wet and desperate kiss. It was one she returned full heartedly, pouring every ounce of love and affection she held for the guy in her arms into it, just hoping it would reach him and somehow ease his fears and pains if her words had failed to.

It was minutes later when Nino broke away, a damp yet genuine smile now pulling at his lips, that Alya finally felt that things might be alright between them once more.

“I love ya too, Alya. So freakin’ much,” Nino rasped on out, as Alya pulled him back on into her all encompassing embrace. “You… You really meant all that?”

“Every word of it. So you’re weak. Who cares? I don’t need some macho, masculinely fragile, eternally perfect meathead. You’re everything I want and need, babe. I promise that.”

His heart fluttered with joy and he practically melted into Alya’s arms. In that moment, even if it would take a while to fully squash his doubts, he felt safe. 

He was weak. What was wrong with that?  
Nothing, Nino thought. Nothing at all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the song Weak by AJR, that I’ve been listening to near obsessively for a week now! Anyway, I hope y’all enjoyed that~


End file.
